Breaking My Alabaster Jar

And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. ⁴There were some who said to themselves indignantly, "Why was the ointment wasted like that? ⁵For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor." And they scolded her. ⁶But Jesus said, "Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me."


I am starting over.  I need a re-do.  I am breaking my alabaster jar over Jesus' head and it may not sit well with the other people seated at the table who also follow Jesus.  That's fine with me.  I'm breaking it anyway.  Why now? Well, for the past five years I have been gradually reexamining my faith.  I used to be the "right wing evangelical christian" pounding her Bible at the people who didn't see things the way I did.  It didn't matter what subject we were talking about, I knew exactly how God thought about it.  I can quote Scripture with the best of them.  Love and grace and mercy were words to me, and not action words either.  Sure, I talked about them and, in my own mind, practiced them.  As "mature" as I thought I was in my faith, I never felt freedom.  I never felt absolute joy.  I never felt complete.  I always felt I needed to "do" things to be a better christian.  Pray more, read my Bible more, measure up to those "Godly" women around me.  Olaf and I were very much caught up in the patriarchal movement (as supported by Vision Forum and other ministries) and he told me on a daily basis how I wasn't measuring up.  To his standards as a wife or to God's standards.


I also started wondering why I interpreted some scripture literally and some I did not.  I mean, the New Testament is the New Testament after all.  I have been to several Precept Ministries Women's Retreats, I have done every Kay Arthur study on the "correct" way to interpret Scripture.  I attended churches like Calvary Chapel where they pride themselves on teaching the Bible "book by book, chapter by chapter."  And yet...


1 Cor 14:34 - women are to remain silent in the church and always be in submission as the Law says.


1 Cor 11 - Should women wear head coverings or not?  Should they cut their hair?


Acts 2 - to babble or not to babble? Is tongues for today?


I could go on and on and on ad nauseam.  Slavery, birth control (think Duggars), homosexuality, racism, classism, circumcision, women in leadership, women working outside of the home... blah, blah, blah.  


You know what the result of the past five years is?  I no longer worry.  I no longer worry how other people interpret scripture.  I no longer worry if they think I have lost my salvation.  I no longer worry about their relationship with the lord.  I am completely enamored with Jesus and me. That's it.  Just us.  You can talk about going to church, mission trips, Bible reading, themes and programs and ministries... Good for you!


I am going to break the alabaster jar because it's what I need to do.  For me.  For Jesus.